A Three-Headed Snake

          Sometimes I wonder why people tend to conceive ideas usually on their idle disposition. Somewhat like a wandering albatross of southern oceans so discontented and spending quite a time ravenously searching for good-quality prey. A thought so endless that you won’t get to rest until you have come to what your mind is searching for. And after we arrived to the pinnacle of our thoughts, we feel the satisfaction of cracking our minds so hard.

          Every child has his/ her own way of growing up- a proposition that troubled me two months ago. And where do you think I acquired such thought? From one of my thinking moments, of course.

We were shocked when Miley Cyrus, a then sweet teen pop superstar turned into an outrageous, tongue- lashing twerker. Who would have that, right? Then there’s Kylie Jenner trying to outweigh her sisters’ (The Kardashians) shares of limelight by dressing up like a demure and sophisticated woman. You may think she’s trying so hard, but that’s her way of growing up. And take a look at Ariana Grande who still toys with her ponytail and little floral dress (but that doesn’t mean she didn’t grow up, she’s just cute okay?) Three different people, three different stories.

And since I am part of the humane society, I had my coming- of- age story, too. I found out that mine was quite different from the others. I was confused if I really chose to be like this or maybe because three personas living inside my body are just so powerful that I already forgot who I really am and what I am really fighting for.

          Back when I was still a naïve child, I thought it is better to be alone and to be cast away from the cruel world. I was contented talking to myself and crying together with my reflection on the mirror. I was never the friendly type of kid back then. I chose to do my homework alone rather than share knowledge with my classmates. I was self- centered. So I presumed that even I grew up I would still be a stationery kind of person; so dull so lifeless.   

          Yes, I was right because there are three facets silhouetted beneath me. The “Feminine me”, whom you see every day, but when you go deeper the depths of me, you will meet “Narcissistic me”. If only I can marry myself without breaking the norms and morality, if God shall permit, I would do that. And here comes, the “Bisexual me”- I like boys, I like girls, too. But I like girls more. I didn’t enter a girl- to-girl relationship because for dense reason that I have to get over boys. I had done it simply because, “I like girls”, an implication of liking myself, too. A Bible passage said, “Adam is for Eve”. So, does that mean, Katy cannot be for Perry?

          Now that diversity and morality indulged through me, I come to think that perhaps I was wrong. That I needed to change. That I have to stand on who I really am and not for these three facets who dominated my “Real me”. That I need to bear in mind, loving myself is parallel to loving others as well as… loving God.